Have you meet 'him'???

Mmm....
Have you ever heard about MPD-Multiple Personality Disorder???
A condition where there are more than one personality or simply more than one person, inside a body...
(Well, I think the name explains more than my explaination...)
What makes it so interesting is the fact that the persons inside the body might have a really different characteristic, behaviour, and some people even said they show a really different appearance despite the fact that it is actually the same body according to their personality... they can alter their place like in a moment...
Just think about it...
In a blink of an eye, you see a graceful, beautiful, and adoreable woman who stands before you change into a rough and mean slutty-bitch ( a bitch is a slut, right? But can you imagine how ‘bitch’ is a slutty-bitch....)
(Congratulations fahmi for making such an example....)
It sounds really cool but at the same time strange and scary, but on the other side it is a really interesting thing... (You agree with me, right? Well, you have too, It’s not like I’m giving you any option anyway...)
Well, the thing that I want to say is that I think I probably got an alter-ego, which is like the other ‘me’...
...
...
(Owh, so you said that you don’t know about yourself and now you declare that there are like more than one person in your head, huh??? Crazy...)
Well, actually I might be crazy, because the MPD is actually a mental disorder and anyone with it can be called crazy. But I’m really serious. It’s not as extreme as my illustration but I think it’s one of the symptoms of MPD. Like there is someone whispering on my head, telling me what to do, criticizing everything I’ve done, and sometimes he even shout at me when he thinks that I made a really big mistakes, such things. I think that someone is my alter-ego...
(Can I remind you, once again, that you said you don’t understand yourself. And where did you get that silly idea about having an alter-ego instead of think that it’s actually you, fahmi, the not-yet-understandable part of you...?!!!)
You’ve got a point there, my alter-ego is a part of me, so essentially he is ‘me’. But I can’t accept that he really is ‘me’, because what he said, what he wants to do, his suggestions is always the contrary of what I, the real ‘me’, want to do or usually do or might do.
(I told you that because you always made stupid decisions, silly mistakes, and such-a-mess things)
But your suggestions is mostly out-of-reach, is really un-me!!! Like telling one of my classmate that he dressed up like a clown. I mean, I can not do such things, it will really hurts him, despite the fact that it is really rude. I just can’t do that. And I’m not really sure, that I didn’t dressed up like a clown either.
(Hahaha...you don’t have to worry about that, with me on your side you will never be a clown. Well, you will never be the coolest person on earth either, but at least being a clown is not a thing to be concerned.)
Well, thank you. But still, I can’t do that. You know really well, that I will never do such thing, not even in a hundred years later. And I don’t think I, ‘the real me’, would ever think to hurt my friend that way.
(Yeah..because that makes your friend go away but give a little pleasure, and what you always think is something that gives much more pleasure than that and makes your friend go away in the same anger. Ha..ha..ha...)
No!!! That’s not what I mean!!! The thing is, I have never thought about such things. Even if I ever have. It was because of you. YOU makes me think that way.
(Me??? So you think that I make you think that way? And, let me guess, you also think that I make you click the XXX ad yesterday? And, I’m quite sure about this, you think that I make you get up late then make you skip your early classes?)
Yeah... I am quite sure that was you.
(WHAT?? You are the most unfair person on earth. But....aaaa..... I understand now. I am the scapegoat. You declare my existence for this. So, you can blame me for everything bad that you did. I never know that you are such an evil. I thought I was the only evil thought on your brain.)
Gottcha. You admit it. You admit that you are the evil. I won.
(Hey, that’s cheating! I didn’t know that you’re planning on this. Aaaaargh... Whatever. I don’t really care about this. There, take your meaningless victory.)
I WON. See guys... That was him, that was my alter ego. He is evil. So, if you think you’ve seen me doing bad things or even intending to do bad things. It wasn’t me. It was him.
...
Wait a minute. Is it really a ‘he’? I heard an alter-ego might not be the same sex as the primary ego. He can be actually a ‘she’. How can I check this? Hey, are you a guy or are you a chick???
(I’m not listneing to you. And I’m not talking to you.... tralala... doo... doo... doo... mommy tell me something... bla... bla... bla...)
Whatever... let’s approve him as a ‘he’ for the time being.
So, you officially have meet him, my alter ego. I think he wants to say ‘nice to meet you too’ if he’s not upset.
For the next posts he may write also, so watch out. Don’t mix me up with him. He is the evil and I am the nice guy.

See you later,

Fahmi <3

some notes...

Really sorry, I can't fulfill my own promise that I would post in this blog frequently....
It's because some reasons that I can't tell you, I got the chance to post today...
The two following blogs I wrote on the night of December 12th in order to commemorate my 18 birthday...

I suggest you to read it according to its time of being posted....

See you later,


Fahmi Fuady <3

v(^^)v
I’m back!!!
Well, i have told you some of my concerns and my visions about my eighteenth birthday in the other post...
But, I think I should tell you this too...
How I see the eighteen passed years of my life.....

I can directly say that I feel really thankful of everything that happened in my life...
I know I slipped many times, I fall many times, and even hit the rough rocky road for several times...
But it’s not something to regret, it’s not something to be sorry for, and it’s not something to be remembered with tears. Because all of that moments, all of that pains, help me to be the person that I should be...
And it’s because I felt the pain, the hurt, and the sorrowful moments... I can feel really glad when something good happened to me, and become really thankful because of that...
That’s why, I promise to myself that I will remember those moments, with a smile, with a big smile full of gratitude and hopes that i will never make that stupid and silly mistakes...
...
...
On the other hands, I also feel so much joy and happpiness in my life, it’s even much more than the painful moments such that the painful moments seems like a flea while the joyful moments be the panda if they are compared...
(You know how big the difference, right? But even though the flea is so small it can cause quite significant itch to the panda...you can get my analogue, right?)

My Mum, Dad, sisters, my entire family, my childhood friends, my schoolmates, my teachers, and everyone whose life crossed over with mine...
ı feel reaaly thankful for having you in my life...
And I hope I can be a better man, even better than your expectations without losing my own identity without losing the fact that I am is who I am....

Thank you everyone....

December 12th 2008


Fahmi Fuady <3

Some thoughts on the night before December 12th

Hi....
Long Time no see, it’s been about three weeks since my last post...
So many things happen, in the past weeks....
I moved to another house, I entered my first mid-term exam as a university student in Istanbul, I got addicted to ‘How I meet your mother?’, I saw massacre of the cow on the Idul Adha, and in my one-week-holiday I enter a camp with a group of teachers and learn a little of some important things in our life which I’ve never noticed before...
Anyway, it’s already the 12th of December....
And you know what...
...
...
It’s my eighteenth birthday...
I’m eighteen from now on... well, it’s actually only until the moment I become nineteen (which is exactly one year from today)...
Anyway...
I’ve passed my first eighteen years in my life and surely I am entering the real world where every son of Adam in an obligation to be more responsible of his own life and all of his behaviour... The world where every son of adam can no longer hide under the wings of their patron when the storm comes... The world when every son of Adam have to stand high on his own feet...
Have I really prepared for the challenges ahead? Am I ready for this? What will happen if I enter the world without enough preparation? Will I get beaten up and fail?
...
...
When I started writing this post those questions struck my head one-by-one and almost made me panic... because I don’t know the answer... I never really prepared myself for this... And like I’ve told you before I’m the youngest in my family, and I have always treated as one... I always look for help when I had a little problem that I thought I could not solve... I’ve always stayed behind th back of someone who makes me feel secure and comfort... I am totally unprepared for this...
I’m hopeless....
...
...
I thought...
until a songs of my favourite group in the world came into my mind...
A cheerful and spirited song I’ve always listened to whenever I am feeling sad and down...

Okay, here is the song and it's lyric...


Original Lyrics:
Nani ga shitai? to kiku keredo
Hanaseba bikkuri suru jan (Here is wonderland)
Shiranai koto toka hajimeru to
Choubuan na kao suru jan

Bokura wa mada yume no tochuu
Minna minna sou nan da
Iiwake nado Goodbye bye
Chansu wa soko ni aru

Yes! Wonderland
Ichido kiri no jinsei
Ohara ippai manabou

Yes! Wonderland
Yume no tsubasa wo hiroge
Break though! Jibun wo kuchiyabure

English translations:
What would you like to do? You asked
But you get startled when I say something
(Here is Wonderland)
You look very nervous
About starting something unknown

We’re already partway through our dreams
That goes for everyone, everyone
So say goodbye bye to things like excuses
That’s where chances come from

Yes! Wonderland
We’re only young once
Let’s learn all we can

Yes! Wonderland
Spread the wings of your dreams
Break through
Conquer yourself
(Morning Musume, Koko ni Iruzee)


See....
It’s really spirited you up right!!!!
I mustn’t be afraid about it, right...?
Let’s just get through it without any single moment of hesitation......
I know you can break through and conquer yourself, Fahmi...
It’s only another step in your life and you may feel unprepared, but you know what you are able to get through it when it comes... even with some scratches, even with some pain, even with some sacrifices...you know that you can...
Wishing you a happy birthday...
You know a bright days ahead awaits you, and you can reach it with your own hands...
HAPPY BIRTHDAY FAHMI....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY....



December 12th 2008


Fahmi <3

My Days: Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him

(I know I've told you that I want to learn turkish after last post, but I've promised someone to post this ASAP...)

Okay...
I started the day as usual, (I planned to wake at 6.30, but instead of that, I kept laid on my bed until 8.30, that's why I came late to my medical biology class this morning....) and nothing really special until I finished my Physics class at three.....

I should have a mathematics class after that, but the lecturer couldn't come today (too bad... :D), so I decided to go home earlier. On the way to the bus stop, I got a phone call... guess who.... (oh, forget it... you know nothing about him...) but he is the last person in Istanbul that I wan't to meet. Let's just call him Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him. He asked me to go to the dormitory together this thursday, but of course I refused it (without even think about his offer) by saying that I have classes on thursday, and closed the phone.

Three minutes later, I stood by the bus stop texting my friend about the near-winter weather, and then I saw him, Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him, he stood on the other side on the road, and he saw me too. As he cross the road approaching me (either because he wants to get next to me, or going to the bus stop....), I pretend that I haven't sseen him and keep looking to my phone. And then he greet me, and I pretend to be surpsised and (as usual) give a really big smile ( \(^^ii)/) and (again, as usual) pretend that I'm really happy to see him, and we had some conversations and then the bus came... (36A Vezneciler-Cebeci Mahallesi) We (unfortunately TT_TT) live on the same district, and that's our bus.

I'm doomed.... I can't be with him all along the way to my house!!!! At that time I looked for my akbil* and couldn't find it (thanks god). So I gave a sad face to him (that face that shows like, too bad I couldn't go with you there's some problem....) and then run to save my life.
Ok, so this was my actual plan....
I thought I left my akbil when I loaded it before, so I planned to run there and took it and then hurriedly run to the bus, because at that time there were so many people on the bus
so that I would be able to keep separated from him.
But when I go to that place, my akbil wasn't there (so where was it). I looked for it around there, in case that I dropped it, but I couldn't find it. And then I tried to check my pocket, and miraculously it was there. I would go to the bus directly, when I saw that the bus had gone already.
TT_TT
The next bus came in like 15-20 minutes later... but the good thing is I don't have to be with Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him along the 45 minutes trip to my home. phiuh.....

***

P.S. * for anyone who doesn't know what akbil is, may look in google or wikipedia for some information about it.... But this is how it looks...

And this is the bus in istanbul....(not the 36A, but it's not really different)

Oh, for anyone who wants to know more about Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him don't worry, I will later tell you everything abut him, esp. why I gave him the name Mr. I-prefer-not-to-meet-him. Later, when I have some free time.... Just remind me Okay???

See you later,


Fahmi <3>

Welcome to Istanbul: I'm Learning Turkish!!!

I made a really big change in my life last August, I decided to go to Istanbul...
Thousand miles away from my country, my hometown, my friends, and my family.Which means almost everything I owned, since I lived my first seventeen years and eight months there (and I haven't even turned eighteen!!!).

And now here I am... in the city of a thousand masjids....

!!!WELCOME TO ISTANBUL!!!

v(^^)v

I have lived here since the first of September, but officially became an Istanbul citizen since the 14th of October (that's when my residence permit were issued...). In this two and a half month, I have quite learnt the language they use here, Turkish, because it is a neccesity to survive in the town (or in the country) where most of its people barely speak English.
Okay, it's true that I've met some really good english speaker here, but to be able to encounter them on the street is a miracle (it's even more difficult than meeting a polar bear in a tropical forest :D). And most of them only know phrases like "hi!", "how are you?", "what's you're name?", etc. sometimes without even knowing it's mean....and the rest... are helpless.

Other conditions that force me to learnt turkish is the fact that my lessons are taught in Turkish (Oops.. have I told you that I'm a student?? Sorry...).
Yups, I am a student here, A student in one of the oldest university in the world, Istanbul University (I think so, since this year is it's 555th years...actually I don't know if there is any older university... if you know any, feel free to tell me), specifically in the faculty of pharmacy of Istanbul University. Since the lessons are taught in turkish, on 16th of September I had a turkish exam. And after I had a two-weeks-express-turkish-course (that turned me from know-nothing-about-turkish me into at-least-know-something-about-turkish me) I entered the turkish exam. They announced the result the following day, and (surprisingly) I passed the exam, thank's god... TT_TT.

When I told you that I have quite learnt Turkish, it doesn't really mean that I can understand and speak turkish really well. I can mostly understand written turkish now (with a dictonary on my hand), but to understand the spoken turkish is not an easy thing, esp. because they speak quite fast and most of the words are not spoken the way it should be spoken (you get what I'm trying to tell, right??). And then, to speak in turkish is not as easy as it's sounds. It's quite a challenge to construct sentences, with a really different pattern with the way you always use and with so many grammatical rules. For writing things, I'm quite confident, since you have quite much time here...
...
...
...
you know what...
I have just realized something...
I have never really written in Turkish...
I mean writing a paragraph or anything that really has meaning...
Can I really do it???
OMG....
And I'm facing the mid-term exam in one week...
\(>.<)/ I'm doomed....
...
...
...
Okay, I think I should learn and practice my Turkish this week...
Wish me luck....

See you later...

Fahmi <3

I am me....

I am me....
That’s what I am, there’s no one in the world can change that fact I am me...

I’ll start sharing some of these unchangeable facts with you...

I am Fahmi, a male from Homo sapiens sapiens species who was born as an Indonesian in a sundanese family (even though I barely speak sundanese... I am a sundanese). With two elder sisters, caring and loving mom, and admirable dad, I (mostly) live the first seventeen-years-and eight-months of my life in a not-big but lovely house located just outside of the city of Bandung, Indonesia.

I want you to know that I’m the youngest in my family. I grew and was always treated as one. So I think you can guess quite much about how is my characteristic, generally. I can’t tell you more about this because I myself don’t really understand about this (I know that’s bad, not to know yourself really well). But I hope I will be able to understand myself better through all of my postings later and so will you (and this is actually the main idea of this blog). And I think that this thing is somehow changeable, so I can’t write it in this part (even if I know myself quite well).

Let’s see... what other unchangeable facts do I have...

Mmm... I am short, for a boy (is this unchangeable???). I got a quite dark skin, typical skin of melanesians. I have got a dark brown eyes mmm... maybe it’s black, I’m not really sure about this but it’s really dark (this is not really special, since all other indonesians I know have the same color of eyes). I have a scar on my lower lips (I got it when I was 5). I have quite thick eyebrows and adorable eyelashes, people quite often tell me about that (these two facts is actually changeable, but I will never want to change these).
What else do I have... (I’m not really good in this...)
...
...
...
...
OK, I give up. That’s all I can tell for this time. And like I’ve said before, I hope we can get to know myself better through my next postings. For the time being, be satisfied with these informations. And once again, I am me...

See you later....


Fahmi <3

How shall I start this.....

Hi!!!!
Nice to meet you!!!!
I know that I am about two thusand years late to start my first blog. But I think everyone knows that the old men say that ‘to be late is better than never’...
So...
...
...
I am better...
Ha..ha...
(^^)v

I am really not an expert about the things called blogging, so I will need some support from all of you especially the expert ones. So I can make this blog better and more importantly keep myself to post my writings here, in this blog.
Noıw I want to say...

Welcome to my blog,
‘UNDERSTANDING MYSELF’
...
....

See you later

Fahmi <3